Holy Pornblock Batman!


The UK took a turn for the worst this week.  On Monday came the announcement by prime minister Dave Cameron that new blocks were to be universally instituted (start date not stated) to block all internet porn.  The only way to get around these proposed bans both on mobile phones and PC would be to call the specific provider and provide the necessary information to have access again, information that many people probably don’t want to provide, and not for any particularly bad reason.  Some of us value our privacy.  Though I understand the basic rationale for this plan, I find massive issues with the logic of it for the following reasons:

First, this is meant, supposedly, to protect children.  Forget the fact that anyone watching it (with the majority being adults, or ‘old enough’ kids in their teenage years) aren’t in real danger, and that the money that goes into all this could better be used on real law enforcement to prevent real crimes.  It also does absolutely nothing to block horribly violent content, which in my opinion, is a far greater issue.  Everyone will have sex.  No one’s trying to change that.  But the hope is that we won’t gun each other down.  Yet, somehow, this basic logic was completely lost on the British prime minister.  So instead of monitoring the content that is actually objectionable, he plans to block content that shows acts that are basic for the existence of all life.  In doing so, he does a fantastic job undoing recent progress in the general acceptance of sex in our communities, making it once again something to be spoken about quietly.  Forget the idea of open sexuality, not in Dave Cameron’s world!

Second, part of this was meant to stop kiddie porn.  Let me make this very clear: I love porn.  I do not love kiddie porn.  I am completely in favor of doing everything possible to keep kids from being exploited and abused.  That said, stopping guys from jacking off to whatever porn they like (generally NOT of the child variety) isn’t going to do it.  Once again, the money is much better spent going after actual pedophiles.  Treating the entire population like they’re criminals does nothing to prevent actual criminals.  He might as well just come out and say that he has no fucking clue what to do with the child exploitation problem, in which case, maybe someone who can do better at the job should have it.

Third, in our modern world of technology, a ban like this is useless.  Literally useless. And liable to cause more damage.  There already exist plenty of ways to get around such bans (hence how kiddie porn operates to begin with).  Maybe he should be worrying about the ‘dark internet’ where this content flows freely, and not the guys who aren’t trying to hide their shit.  We like our technology in this day and age.  Even simple minded folks like myself know enough to get at what we need, and when opposition stands in the way, it only means more energy will be spent coming up with alternatives.  In other words, by banning regular porn, and driving it into the underground, he lumps it together with the highly illegal content, and makes them operate together.  He just empowered the ‘dark internet’ even more with a law that any beginner computer user can get around anyway.

So what do I say to this?  Fuck it!  And fuck Dave Cameron!  If for nothing else than for being a giant fucking moron!  Only the guys with skeletons in their closet ban entry into the graveyard.  Maybe we should be taking a look at his hard drive!  And for the good people of England?  Well, there are plenty of proxy sites, VPNs, and browsers that can help.  I don’t know if the torch browser saw this coming when they added in their site unblocker, but the timing couldn’t have been better.  The idea that this could, or would, stop people from watching porn is so novice that it’s embarrassing.  It’s literally betting against the intelligence and drive of humanity ( I know, I know, I’m generally not a big believer in either of those things).

I don’t know what kind of crack that idiot was smoking when this idea came to mind, but if the two brain cells still working up there can get along for just a minute, maybe, just maybe, he’ll kill this idea before it actually takes off.


No Restrictions!


I’m not a technologically advanced person.  I know about as much as the average person should to navigate the internet, and use the necessary programs.  I can’t write code, or build a computer.  Hell, I can’t even fix my computer when it has problems (and as an avid porn downloader I admit that sometimes it’s hard to avoid those pesky viruses…although, a computer infection is still much more preferable than the kind that makes it hurt when I piss and requires a shot of penicillin!)  I know enough about the internet to know that it’s waaaay too late in the game for there to be restrictions on the flow of content.  Realistically, once it goes up there, it’s for everyone.  Why?  Because that’s the way it fucking is!  And what really pinches my ballsack is when companies try to moderate this information.  It’s not 1998, or even 2004.  This is the Youtube world.  And, yeah, that sucks for industries that don’t want content to be made public, and then lose revenue because of it, but, well, it’s the price paid for these advances.  My answer to record companies and TV stations and movie execs who want to get around this is: fuck you!  It’s too late.  They might be holding on to the little bit of juice they have left, but within a few years it’ll be gone.  All it really means is that new ways of capitalizing on the system in place, or finding new ways to earn revenue, will be necessary.  It’s like the guy who used to make his living building carriages for horses.  Did we require the first cars to be made of wood to keep him in business?  Fuck no!  If industry wants to keep up then they have to find the appropriate way of doing so.

I’m not one to shill for a product, mainly because I like to get paid for my whoring around.  But since I’m talking about the idea of restricting the flow of content, I can’t help mentioning the browser I use most.  To be honest, I could care less about the two second difference in download times between browsers, or the fact that they can now connect your facebook page to your email account to your scrotum.  But I do care about being able to quickly and easily get what I want when I want it.  And without signing up for things, paying money, or having to figure out what extras I need to use in order to get where i want to go.  I LIKE easy.  In both women and my ability to download.  And I like the idea of an entity on the internet who understands that information on the internet is for EVERYBODY.  Quite frankly, I was ecstatic when I first found out about the torch browser because I didn’t think there was a company enlightened enough to just say ‘fuck it’ and supply the necessary programming.  While everyone else is still in the stone age, trying to work around outdated restrictions, they moved forward, capitalizing on what they already know people are doing, and giving the public what it wants.  In the world of information flow, the point isn’t to make blockages, it’s to keep things running smoothly.

I have no idea what the landscape of certain industries will look like in a few years, and I don’t care.  What I know is that as long as there are inventive people and companies out there who know how to take advantage of our advancements instead of restricting them, we’ll always have someone forward thinking enough to get it right.


I’m a pretty tactless guy, I think that’s been made clear.  So I wanted to talk today about one of my favorite things in life: pornography!  Now, I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of the filth I enjoy (and filthy it is), but rather in the social stigma that is somehow still attached to something that we all do (and love).  A kid can go into a movie theater and watch a horribly violent movie with people dying terrible bloody deaths for two hours straight.  That’s considered acceptable even though murder in our society is not.  But porn? Sure, with the advent of the internet it has become a harder to moderate subject matter, but whereas violence has become the norm, sex is still a subject too often spoken about with hushed voices.  Even people that claim to be open-minded about it still shudder when the subject turns from the standard missionary, to the more intense niche versions that I so enjoy!

Anyway, in my constant quest to expand my collection of irreverent, mind-blowingly dirty porn videos, and because I’m a proponent of the spreading of such videos and the acceptance of them in the mainstream, I often scour the internet for the most disgraceful shit out there.  The stuff that makes the good little girls at home cringe in their white panties at the thought of such debauchery.  The kind that makes little boy scouts cry in their church groups and recite oaths of celibacy.  And thanks to the torch browser my collection has grown immensely in the past few months.  I can locate any site I want, rife with the most splendid collection of skin baring antics, and save it for myself to watch time and time again.  From orgies to transsexuals, excrement to amputees, midgets to pregnant ladies…oh wait, there I go getting into it…  It’s all out there, and it’s all fantastic!




If you want a copy of this horrendous display of American stupidity, just play this embarrassment of a video through the torch browser and download it.  That way, whenever you’re questioning yourself as a general human being in life, you can watch it again and again, and remember that despite your own general shortcomings, at least you’re not as fantastically stupid, or criminally uneducated as this bitch.