If you’re like me, then the first thing you thought when you heard about Google Glass, the virtual reality glasses Google made, was ‘virtual reality porn!’ I mean, it goes without saying, right? But, apparently, the very day that an app was introduced to do just this (appropriately titled Tits and Glass), Google ruined the entire party by banning all pornographic programs. Just think how much more entertaining every wait for a train, or stop at a traffic light, or walk down the road could have been. Just think about every boring conversation that could’ve been smiled through. Every family dinner that could’ve been enjoyed. Perhaps in time Google will relax the restrictions, I’m sure they know that if they don’t do it someone else will. It’s new technology, and they do have to pretend like they care, but for how long? Of course, on the flipside, there isn’t a 10 year old boy in this country without unlimited access to all the porn they want…and it’s far more likely that a kid will have a computer than a fancy pair of virtual reality glasses, so the whole restriction is totally senseless. It’s funny when an industry that so clearly doesn’t give a shit about something does a 180 and pretends like it matters just to look good. In another few years this curb will be well passed and regular masturbation will be a thing of the past. There will be virtual reality brothels, and robots capable of taking care of every need… Ah, the future’s so bright I gotta wear shades!
I’m practically at a loss for words. Why aren’t these women forcibly sterilized? How is it that a person needs to pass a test to be able to drive a car, and yet any moron is allowed to have a child?
I’m not a technologically advanced person. I know about as much as the average person should to navigate the internet, and use the necessary programs. I can’t write code, or build a computer. Hell, I can’t even fix my computer when it has problems (and as an avid porn downloader I admit that sometimes it’s hard to avoid those pesky viruses…although, a computer infection is still much more preferable than the kind that makes it hurt when I piss and requires a shot of penicillin!) I know enough about the internet to know that it’s waaaay too late in the game for there to be restrictions on the flow of content. Realistically, once it goes up there, it’s for everyone. Why? Because that’s the way it fucking is! And what really pinches my ballsack is when companies try to moderate this information. It’s not 1998, or even 2004. This is the Youtube world. And, yeah, that sucks for industries that don’t want content to be made public, and then lose revenue because of it, but, well, it’s the price paid for these advances. My answer to record companies and TV stations and movie execs who want to get around this is: fuck you! It’s too late. They might be holding on to the little bit of juice they have left, but within a few years it’ll be gone. All it really means is that new ways of capitalizing on the system in place, or finding new ways to earn revenue, will be necessary. It’s like the guy who used to make his living building carriages for horses. Did we require the first cars to be made of wood to keep him in business? Fuck no! If industry wants to keep up then they have to find the appropriate way of doing so.
I’m not one to shill for a product, mainly because I like to get paid for my whoring around. But since I’m talking about the idea of restricting the flow of content, I can’t help mentioning the browser I use most. To be honest, I could care less about the two second difference in download times between browsers, or the fact that they can now connect your facebook page to your email account to your scrotum. But I do care about being able to quickly and easily get what I want when I want it. And without signing up for things, paying money, or having to figure out what extras I need to use in order to get where i want to go. I LIKE easy. In both women and my ability to download. And I like the idea of an entity on the internet who understands that information on the internet is for EVERYBODY. Quite frankly, I was ecstatic when I first found out about the torch browser because I didn’t think there was a company enlightened enough to just say ‘fuck it’ and supply the necessary programming. While everyone else is still in the stone age, trying to work around outdated restrictions, they moved forward, capitalizing on what they already know people are doing, and giving the public what it wants. In the world of information flow, the point isn’t to make blockages, it’s to keep things running smoothly.
I have no idea what the landscape of certain industries will look like in a few years, and I don’t care. What I know is that as long as there are inventive people and companies out there who know how to take advantage of our advancements instead of restricting them, we’ll always have someone forward thinking enough to get it right.
I’m a pretty tactless guy, I think that’s been made clear. So I wanted to talk today about one of my favorite things in life: pornography! Now, I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of the filth I enjoy (and filthy it is), but rather in the social stigma that is somehow still attached to something that we all do (and love). A kid can go into a movie theater and watch a horribly violent movie with people dying terrible bloody deaths for two hours straight. That’s considered acceptable even though murder in our society is not. But porn? Sure, with the advent of the internet it has become a harder to moderate subject matter, but whereas violence has become the norm, sex is still a subject too often spoken about with hushed voices. Even people that claim to be open-minded about it still shudder when the subject turns from the standard missionary, to the more intense niche versions that I so enjoy!
Anyway, in my constant quest to expand my collection of irreverent, mind-blowingly dirty porn videos, and because I’m a proponent of the spreading of such videos and the acceptance of them in the mainstream, I often scour the internet for the most disgraceful shit out there. The stuff that makes the good little girls at home cringe in their white panties at the thought of such debauchery. The kind that makes little boy scouts cry in their church groups and recite oaths of celibacy. And thanks to the torch browser my collection has grown immensely in the past few months. I can locate any site I want, rife with the most splendid collection of skin baring antics, and save it for myself to watch time and time again. From orgies to transsexuals, excrement to amputees, midgets to pregnant ladies…oh wait, there I go getting into it… It’s all out there, and it’s all fantastic!
Ever since I saw that video yesterday on Youtube of Ms. Utah shaming herself and the American public with her inexcusable lack of general life knowledge, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. Or the implication of it, rather. To most people viewing she was probably nothing more than a confused participant, cracking under the stress, or at worst, the classical pretty girl who never worries about improving her brain, only her looks. But to me it was an example of the complacent ignorance of the American people. She stood up there and exemplified why our politics never improve, why we have mass amounts of poverty in such a rich country, our over-eagerness to go to war over things that aren’t even understood, every cross burned in a field down south, and every unnecessary murder and rape. She stood up there and encompassed every problem in our deteriorating system. And to put a cherry on the cake, she specifically mentioned (in her fumble for anything meaningful that might apply) that the issue in question was due to our educational system. Though she clearly had no idea what she was saying, in her complete idiocy she made a good point. She couldn’t answer the question because our educational system failed. And though she might not have been referring to herself, she made a very direct connection between her ignorance, and our lack of ability to both facilitate good schools for the general public, and to promote the idea that education is more important than pop culture. She showed in her feeble-mindedness that it was more important for her to stand in an evening gown to win a popularity contest, than to understand the concept that women all over the country work long hours and consistently receive less pay than their male counterparts. This extremely important piece of information about the world around her (especially considering she is a woman) never made it into her brain in all her years alive. Instead, she filled that bubble on her neck with thoughts of which shoes go best with which dress, which actor is the cutest, what the coolest catch phrase is, what movie to go see, and all the other entertaining, but not important, parts of life. And though it’s okay to care about such things, maybe only after caring about the fact that equal wages can’t be expected in the year 2013.
For all the Youtube press that her stuttering stupidity received, and even as she was laughed at for it, it will no doubt fade into the background as the next big public faux pas is recorded and displayed on Youtube. And what it means will fade as well. No one will care, and nothing will change. Why? Because she will never change, and she represents America.
THIS IS AMERICA!!! HOW FUCKING EMBARRASSING!!
If you want a copy of this horrendous display of American stupidity, just play this embarrassment of a video through the torch browser and download it. That way, whenever you’re questioning yourself as a general human being in life, you can watch it again and again, and remember that despite your own general shortcomings, at least you’re not as fantastically stupid, or criminally uneducated as this bitch.
Am I the only person that hates these fucking things? Yeah, I get it, they want to make sure I’m not a robot. They want to make sure I’m not some company spamming out all over the internet. Great, fantastic. So every time I want to post on certain sites, or if I happen to sign into my email from a different location, I have to decipher one of these ridiculous puzzles before continuing. And by the time I get it, I really don’t feel like doing whatever I was going to do anymore! I can barely read them…maybe a robot would do a better job than me. Maybe they should be a little more worried that you’re not a human being is you DON’T fuck it up!